nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
In America we eat man semen.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
