The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
