I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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