I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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