she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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