My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
