Slut skills are useful in every country.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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