I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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