Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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