i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
worst night to have a conscience
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
