I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
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four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
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I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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