he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize