Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
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I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
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There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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