He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
