you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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