I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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