first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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