i jhust puked up my retainher.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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