sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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