No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she told me i tasted like america
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
