Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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