On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
