It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
