I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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