Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
