Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
