Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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