FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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