My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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