Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
