My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
