If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
