I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
