I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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