Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
