I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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