HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
