I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
