should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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