Nicole vs. Life
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
