dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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