Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
