I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
