She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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