Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
is that a dick in a sweater?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
