Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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