whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
