You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
