So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have feelings that need drinking.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
