I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm like, not good at living.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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