I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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