i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
