the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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