we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
