Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
