he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Princesses don't give blow jobs
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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