So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize