Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
