I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize