I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
