It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
