At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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