the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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