this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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