Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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