why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
