R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Your penis caused this!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
