I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
People in love make me want to vomit
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
