If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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