Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
