So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
