if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
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