I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
