Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Be still, my beating vagina.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
