I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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