I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We need a shit load of segways right now
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
